so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
