I just cut my nipple shaving
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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