member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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