Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
