DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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