But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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