rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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