Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
whose parrot is this?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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