She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
