the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize