i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
