i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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