I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
