My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
