stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
