What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
