They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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