Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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