you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
