Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
