Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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