I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
