Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
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47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
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Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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