i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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