I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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