I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
