would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
