Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
