you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
