I puked a lego.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
