Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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