The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
