Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
