She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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