we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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