Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
