I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
