Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
