I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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