Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
