No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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