I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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