hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
