oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
