Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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