I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
