I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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