I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
