Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
someone get that fucking seahorse.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
