I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
