So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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