The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm bleeding and have questions
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
