Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
