Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Every concussion has its silver lining
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
