I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
