So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
