I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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