So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
