you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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