I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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