You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My life is pants optional.
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