I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
